1. |
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So these are wandering hours again. I've come to
with a lead chest and head dregs, washed up and hollowing out another day. Then catch a thought and pull lungs taut on the wind; snag a shoestring heart hanging by a thread. Breathe in and reel as if the rotary was snatched up in a gale.
Hot air smelts and keens with a view to building internal frameworks; monuments of a future self. For the longest I've had the sun climbing my throat and left the room without saying a word.
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2. |
"Enjoy Your Life"
02:56
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Take an hour to lay out a spread of childhood photos; map out a series of lives across your floorboards. There are so many ways to be happy. Radiate across faces aglow in candlelight. You've not been working hard on your epitaph. Instead you take a hand to each image ripping out the artist, the traveller,
the glimpse and flicker of a love before it's shadow fixed to your frame. Lifting them from your past, pulling them from latency. Holding them as if they came to be. Well they didn't, there is only you and another hour drifting by.
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3. |
Club Insomnia
01:37
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Thoughts come hacking in night plagues. It's 2am and there will never be enough. Bodies choke the sea and night sky bulges at its seams, flush with prayers and grief. Energy is finite, children are missing, I need to sleep. There is another day on the horizon, I need to sleep. A friend begins to lose their grip as another message goes unread. Lights are left on
and moths are burning in their thousands. I am sorry for everything.
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4. |
Soft Focus (Breathe In)
01:53
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Wait to wake again with strength, aimless. These ten bodies strewn to pieces amidst feelings; I can be something more. How long waiting for purpose, assurance of taking paths with conviction. Poise between actions. Any apphorisms, vaguely felt intention. Some day it will happen, another week longing for more.
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5. |
I'm Checking Out
02:33
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Not now, there's somewhere that I need to be. I'm sorry but I need to leave. I have to gather strength to move my heart to feel when you speak. I should have called. The world's been at your back, I should have reached out but I just waited for weeks. It was so easy. I've been busy, I've been stacking up excuses in lieu of time spent or words meant or eyes that can still hold your gaze in the silence. I've been trying to sync our breathing in the hope of connection again. The air catches, is this it? I don't know. I'm sorry, there's someone that I used to be.
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6. |
Life In Bluster
01:45
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Take another hour, lift again neat figures bristling in childhood frames. Hold them up to the light, extend limbs. Trace veins back to organs, back to essence. This is not your blood, untethered redness. Hot life in bluster.
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7. |
A Thought (Breathe Out)
02:36
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Sometimes the bell chimes offbeat and broken harmonies spill forth in defiance of all life previously clockwork and measured for meaning. A thought, unaccounted for, raises it's head and breaks forth and ushers in a new day. Long-sought, weighed and pinned down, I am ready now. I might spend three nights bent double with doubt. I might have to come up for air gasping, arms akimbo, but I am holding my own. Palms outstretched, I'm trying my best.
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8. |
Elliptical Thinking
02:20
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I could deflect an asteroid three weeks ago; I woke up knowing suffering was not certain, collision courses could be
averted and whole orbits undone. My fingertips fizzed with the
feeling of it all. I left the house, I was not going to die.
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9. |
Holding Out; Holding On
03:21
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Don't linger here, thoughts are quick to spoil. Don't cling to half meanings pulled wide into soft focus, stretched thin over the bulk of another wasted hour. Today I didn't get any better, tomorrow my heart will falter and months could drop off unbound of all the years hopes they've undone. And still there will fall another open hour, distant but firm in it's instance. When I raise my head the sky glows and the hue, particular,
pulls forth a knowing. I will try to move on, holding out, holding on.
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